We all know the kind of potentially fatal pollution and its effects bursting of crackers can lead to. Yet, many continue bursting crackers during Diwali, which truthfully is an attack on the senses of not on the environment. Have you ever stopped for a while and thought, maybe the time wasted bursting those inane crackers could be utilized doing something else … something more productive, something more rewarding, something more sane, something more friendly.
Here’s a list of 7 things you can do instead of bursting crackers this Diwali – Stop. Think. Practice.
1. Drink a shot every time you hear a firecracker. For Jains: Eat a roshogulla everytime you hear a firecracker. Or Paneer. Paneer is the savior, Paneer is God!
2. Read short stories as you go to sleep.
3. Break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend and go single, have some fun.
4. Buy lamps and lights and diyas, and hang them in your room. Play some good classic music in the evening, and put the lights on. Without weed, you’ll be fucking high, my bitches. So much intoxication before your dinner.
5. During dinner, plug the TV out. Pick up a social theory on Wikipedia, keep the page open as you eat and discuss, your views, your ideals, your inclinations and study a new theory you never knew could exist.
6. Clean your inbox – e-mail and mobile, old whatsapp conversations that you sometimes wanked to, that made you smile, that you hated. Delete them all. Don’t be a materialist. You’ve lived them enough. How long have you been keeping those job offers and also the other job offers in your mail box? And those Dr. Batra advertisements can kiss your trash box’s ass. *insert kissing sounds* – Delete. Your mom would be so proud if she ever got the chance to crack through your mobile lock code and go through the messages.
7. Update your music playlist. All those mopey love songs? Fuck them good. The ‘Nine Inch Nails Closer’ kind. Show them what The Fucked Up Song is. Make them meet The Decemberists. Educate them with The Beatles. Seduce them with Lana Del Rey, and one time wonders that deserve a separate artist section of their own. Say goodbye. With a Fuck You!
Quoting Beavis and Butthead, “the world is ours buttmonkey“. There are better cracks to crack than firecrackers. Okay that was sad, sorry.
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