The Alternate Life Of Rajnikanth

Shivaji Rao Gaekwad a.k.a The legendary Yanna Rascala Superstar of India aka Rajnikanth turns 66 today. The man has superpowers second to none. Even if Batman, Superman or even your man turned up against him, there won’t even be a question of competition. The Legend of Rajnikanth has long been celebrated. Especially all over South India and the Tamil film Industry. His influence can be seen even in Bollywood with songs being dedicated to him. Such is the humility and the big stature of the man that he’s requested his fans and friends to not celebrate his birthday this year. All to show respect and admiration towards the passing of ex CM of Tamil Nadu, Jayalalitha.

Jokes, more jokes and then atop of that even more jokes. That has been the norm when it comes to honouring the legendary Rajnikanth. Some say earthquakes are caused by his mobile phone being on vibration mode. Or that the Earth is the basketball Rajnikanth is spinning on his finger. While others believe winter truly arrives in India the day Rajnikanth switches his AC on. Not that we’re debating either of those two ‘facts’. It’s just a fun line of thought to see what the great man could have been capable of had he been a tad more like the common man than the legendary grand-daddy superhero he is.

For starters, the common man wouldn’t be called the “common man” anymore because well Sir Rajni would have been a part of the category. That might also have meant no Aam Aadmi Party being created. Ergo leading to no Arvind Kejriwal and ultimately Modi losing his favourite teenage stalker girl. And let’s face it, we can’t just let the biggest one sided love affair of the century disappear from our lives like that. So you see Rajnikanth didn’t choose the superhero life, the superhero life chose Rajnikanth. And this is only for the greater good of the country.

Next, every time Rajnikanth took the public transport, the DTC bus would transform into a Volvo, the Mumbai local trains into the bullet trains and your regular ola/uber cabs would start resembling the bat mobile. But that is just for the duration of the ride. Such is the aura and the feel about the great man. Great things start happening by default even through no fault of actions of his own.

You can take Rajnikanth out of the superhero but you can’t take the superhero out of Rajnikanth.

Food and Clothing would’ve been a lot more affordable if Rajnikanth was a part of the common man brigade. Big 5 star fancy restaurants would have had to come up with small food trucks and thellas to make sure their food gets to Thalaivar. Just because he’s not a superstar doesn’t mean he has to wait or save up to eat the instagrammable food. The food will come to him regardless. Similarly the big shot brands would have had to come up with a cheaper, more affordable clothing range to get Rajnikanth to wear and model it. This would eventually lead to more happiness and prosperity amongst the working class.

Superstar or not, the man can do no wrong.

rajni-young-2And then surely the acting careers of people like Aftab Shivadasani, Ameesha Patel, Vivek Oberoi or all of Aishwarya Rai’s doppelgangers would have been over even before it started. Sajid Khan would have not been allowed with making movies. You can’t just charge 400/500 bucks for the common man to spend on movies whereby you have to sit and watch the aforementioned actors for 3 hours. This borders on cruelty and sure as hell the censor board wouldn’t allow it knowing what an impact it’d have on Rajnikanth. This is by far the greatest thing that can come out of the hypothesis that Rajni sir becomes a common man.

The legend of Indian cinema completes yet another successful year. And here’s wishing him many many many more to come. The Earth is truly grateful to have Rajnikanth born on itself. The sky cannot be more thankful that Rajnikanth is below itself. And the water is just glad it’s lucky enough to go in and out of the great Thaliavar everyday.

P.S. – There is a website that runs offline. You can only access the website without internet. If that doesn’t make you believe in God Rajnikanth, nothing quite ever will.

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