How To Conquer Exam Anxiety

 

A Very Appropriate Calvin

Ever been in an exam where you just don’t know what to write and you’ve done enough scribbling and doodling but just can’t kill the time? Well, I bet you have. But if you are the person who starts crying at such a predicament, please don’t read. I don’t like you. If you are the person who lands up pretty often in such a situation, you are a rockstar. On second thought, you are an ass. But normal folks, worry no more for you have a savior. Here are a few things that you can implement-

 

Scenario: Hot invigilator        

If she looks like this then you know you're going to have a great exam

 

You probably don’t realize it, but this is a blessing in disguise. You can, and must, gaze at the invigilator and not worry about the horrible exam. Look, stare, gaze, fantasize. Go crazy. Now, if you are a boy, you know you can carry this off pretty well (avoid getting too turned on, if you know what I mean). So as your Art teacher must have said at some point, ‘put no limitations on your thoughts, let your mind be free and imagine’. Or in this case, fantasize…

If you are a girl, you know being a pervert once in a while doesn’t really hurt and an added advantage to that is you don’t even have to restrict your fantasies because nobody ever finds out about what’s going on in your mind by looking at you.

 

 

 

Scenario (more probable): Invigilator – Not hot

Now this is tough.

  • If you are some kind of a human-behavior-observer, you are sick. But that’s not the point. If you enjoy observing the human behavior, just have a glance at your fellows. You’ll come to know that they are pretty screwed too. Enjoy their looks.
  • Start writing something. Look busy. Suddenly shout, “oh damn!, I’ve screwed it all up.” Look at the invigilator with puppy eyes. Works more efficiently with girls.
  • Want something even better? Stare at the paper and shout, “Yes!! This is so easy”. Utter these simple words and see your fellows shit bricks.
  • If it’s an MCQ, stand up after half an hour and say loudly, “okay, let’s cross check our answers. 1st is d. 2nd a. 3rd c…”
  • Start crying, or even better – fake an orgasm. If the invigilator enquires about it, just say, “Sir, Q.6 moved me deeply. Appreciate it.”
  • Ask for useless things  from others. Pencils, erasers, calculators, ask for another eraser after asking for the first one. Just make sure you are annoying enough.
  • Get the invigilator to switch on the fan, open the window, and then pretend to feel cold, get them to switch off the fan, close the window. Ask him for unavailable things like graph papers (in exams where graph paper is not required). You must seem like the most important person of the class.
  • Do ‘What is love’ by Jim Carrey impersonation.

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