I’m all wired tonight

I’m standing in the middle of the living room.

You’re not here. I wish you were.

I’ve got Red Fang’s epic ode to absolute fuck-all anger, ‘Wires’, blaring through the speakers.

It’s one of those songs that can perfectly play the role of a soundtrack to a glorious ‘moment’ – an epic, tear-jerking, sweaty armpit, orgasm inducing moment – like me rubbing coarse sandpaper across your face.

Oh yeah, I really wish you were here.

Who am I addressing, you ask?

Before I answer your question, I’d like you to immerse yourself in my soundtrack for the moment – Just press PLAY on the video below. Be a fucking man and put your speakers on ‘FULL-FUCKITY MAX’ while you play it.

 

 

 

Have the first chords kicked in? Awesome. Read on.

  1. YOU are a loud, bawling baby in an airplane. I hate you. I don’t give a fuck if you’re too young to understand where you are and why you’re feeling uncomfortable. I want to rub your face with sandpaper while I stare at your MILF mother’s tits.
  2. YOU are one of those assholes who lives in India and says that they are a die-hard Arsenal/Man U/Liverpool/Barca fan. Really? Why? What connection do you have with that city or with that football club? Why do your tweets or facebook status messages say ‘WE have done it!’ or ‘WE showed those red bastards’ or ‘WE are the champions’? THEY did it you asshole; you had nothing to do with it and nobody really gives a shit anyway. I want to rub your face with sandpaper while I stare at your MILF mother’s tits.
  3. YOU are someone who stares at me. Yeah, you.  Don’t look at me in the eyes and not have the decency to smile. I want to rub your face with sandpaper as hard as I possibly can. I’ll do it till I just see teeth, motherfucker. If I see your teeth, I don’t need to see your MILF mother’s tits.

 

Now wait for the song to end. Press play again. Think of a MILF. Masturbate. That’s what I’m going to do. Good night.

 

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