The first time I heard her speak was when I was thirteen. Sitting in my room alone on the desk top with a dial up connection turned on, I was making friends with the internet. A pop up caught me by surprise, a woman in her bare essentials gesturing. I hurriedly cancelled it. I knew what it was. Porn was one of those things that people my age then only whispered about.
"Go ahead, open it" she said, in a voice exactly like mine just a shade more confident.
"But girls don't watch porn" i replied, not making a sound
"They just dont get caught" she replied.
I opened a few sites, just to see what the big deal was about. By the end of the session I knew how and what I wanted to look the next time I am alone.
Thinking of my school crush in the shower one day, the voice in me made me do things to myself that made my toes curl.
we grew up together. she had rounded curves, eyes that go finish a man if she stared a minute too long. long luscious hair falling down to her waist. He had mischief in her eyes, and horns on her head.And i was exactly opposite, lean, specky, with hair tied in a pony tail. I had dreams in my eyes and a halo shinning around me.
When a guy stuck his tongue in my mouth in college over a dare, i ended up spitting it out.
"you dont know how to kiss loser" he had said to me
she made me kiss the living day lights out of him just to prove her point.
People around me laughed for a sec and then watched in awe. I felt bad for that guy, he had no idea what hit him. I had no idea what made me do that too.
Sitting in the library, I had noticed the hottest guy in college enter.
"Ahem" she'd said "He would look great without that shirt and in my bed"
I had to only clear my throat and go back to my book.
That night i saw the guy with her, not myself. She being the devil she was, she made out with him and looked at me while she did that. She had done that every time i liked someone. He ended up doing things to her that i wanted him to do to me, in my dreams.
Something had to be done.
I had gotten out of bed, taken off my shirt, then the shorts. Given myself a long stare. Freed my hair from the pony and let them fall on my chest.
I had made up my mind.
The next morning when he walked into the library, i pretended not to notice. He had walked up to me.
"you look nice without specs" he said "you have beautiful eyes"
I saw him looking at my low cut top while he said it.
"i know my eyes are the last thing you are looking at" she had said
I had just smiled.
The horns on my head were visible from a distance. She and i together got every single guy we wanted and everything that we desired. Be it in bed, or in life. Left no rules unbroken. Loved, lusted and lived it up. Did things girls only think of but never dare. In bed and in life.
Growing up finally caught up with us, took vows of loyalty and promised to love for life.
My halo was back to shinning. Rules made a re entry into life. The smile on my face stayed but the mischief in my eyes flickered less. Red hot streamy sex turned to sparkling white making love. it wasn't bad, just that it wasn't me. Until once more i chose to wear leather over satin.
"Not bad" she had said and so had he.."
She was back, and so was I.
She still does things i want to people i want in my head. She is silent now, doesn't talk much, mostly listens. She peeps out through my smile when my thoughts could create scandals. She peeps out through my eyes when i look at myself in the mirror and see my halo balanced nicely on my horns.
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