The 7 Signs you need to spot and get a job before you turn into a fat, broke porn-addict with ‘Self-Service’ tattooed on your right palm/fists/fingers.
7 Signs You Need A Job:
#1. Watch Salman Khan & Akshay Kumar Movies
Fuck ACP Pradhyuman and his alter ego which is probably a western toilet and the collective of the people who use wrong negatives in all the wrong places, but MOTHAFUCKA YOU DON’T NEED NO JOB, MOTHAFUCKA NEED A FUCKING SHRINK.
#2. Living off Whatever Parents Give You
You’re always broke and living off whatever your parents give you. Or, you’re being an Indian and creating drunk ruckus.
#3. Writing Mindfuckingly Awesome Comments on FB
You post mindfuckingly awesome comments on the wall post conversations. You are being awesome. ON FB. No really, even Shaktimaan who now acts in an Ekta Kapoor soap would want to Block and Report you.
In fact, everyone who uploads status updates or comments like THIS (wait for the image) should be compelled to work at the FB headquarters. No wonder Mark Zuckerberg can’t -My Twitter feed won’t refresh! Damn you, Mark Zuckerberg.
#4. Sleep When You Are Horny
You sleep when you are horny because you don’t have a sex life even after carefully trying to not look like Howard Wollowitz. Or act. (Also, no spell check, I do NOT want to change Wollowitz to swallow, that’s a blasphemous irony to the Kamasutra and to the people who have a sex life).
You need a JOB. Then you need Kara Skin Cleansing Wipes. Or plain tissue papers, BECAUSE SEE #2. Then you just need to go finally die.
#5. Still Hung up on Honey Singh Innuendos
You are still hung up on Honey Singh innuendos and spend your college time at the nukkad,
Getting into fights on someone’s behalf,
Searching for Benson Lights at an under-developed rural universe that is your panpatti,
Making BFFs with anna,
Trading Benson Lights with assignments,
Teaching the less knowledgeable about Sutta’s and Honey Singh’s classics.
YOU DON’T NEED TO SMOKE TO APPEAR COOL YOU FUCKER, TALKING ABOUT HONEY SINGH’S NEW ALBUM AT THE NUKKAD HAS BLOWN THE COVER ALREADY.
#6. Being Humorous at Nukkad Makes You a Potential Stand-up Comedian
You think being humorous at the nukkad and between the lectures and in the restroom and writing for CG makes you a potential stand-up comedian. How cute and naïve. Come here *pulls cheeks*. (Really, this one’s a self-dedication. Stop existing to make jokes.)
#7. Re-read your Conversations to Recycle the Awesome Punchlines
You re-read your conversations so you could recycle the awesome punchlines that accidentally get delivered.
Shame on you. A Nepali watchman can do better. Shame.
P.S. You don’t need reasons to get a job if you know what I mean. If you don’t, you are so asexual, a rock wouldn’t hit on you. (See what I’d… I have to get a job, soon.)