Mumbai – our financial capital. Sigh. But anyway, this article is about 7 things to remember while visiting Mumbai. And trust me, these are 7 bloody important things!
7 Tips for visiting Mumbai
Planning to visit Mumbai, here are some tips you might found useful 😉
CARRY THE DAMN BOATS
Boats. Carry them. Forget your underwear but don’t forget a fuckin boat. Mumbai becomes Venice within a few minutes of heavy showers and it is a lot more comfortable when you can easily travel around the city in your boat showing the middle finger to those stuck in their cars.
THE SWEET WORLD OF POTHOLES
Boyfriends in Mumbai never promise the moon to their girls. Why? Coz they are already there. On Moon. Potholes and Mumbai – is a better love story than Twilight. Just when you think that you have finally crossed a pothole covered road, out pops another one – laughing at your sorry face while shouting ‘Up your Bitch!’
AROUND THE CITY IN ONE DAY
Day trips from Delhi include going to places like Damdama, Karnal, etc. Day trips from Chandigarh include Pinjore, Kasauli, etc. Day trips from Mumbai? Around the city. That’s fuckin all. It takes so much time to travel in Mumbai that you might as well stay indoors.
For example- Sion is only a good 6 hours away from Panvel. So, if you are in Bandra and your friend lives in Navi Mumbai AND it’s raining, there’s your 12 hour return day trip dude!
BHAAG BIHARI BHAAG
If you are from UP & Bihar – Sheesh! Scary! It’s so bad for UPites and Biharis – esp Biharis that they are even making a movie on that – BHAAG BIHARI BHAAG – displaying the plight of Biharis who have some or the other goon after their ass almost all the time.
LIVING (OR NON-LIVING) COSTS
One of my Mumbai friends got the shock of her life when she got to know that the rent for my three-bedroom flat is Fifteen thousand. On the other hand, a friend who recently shifted there is paying Fifty thousand for a house- FIFTY FUCKING THOUSAND.
Fares of AC buses go up to Rs 80, metro fares (still not operational) will start from Rs 50 and there is a proposal to increase those – even before the Goddamn service has started! So, if you are visiting the city, be sure to carry loads of cash dude.
Maybe in a separate suitcase. Delhiites can still take the shock but those from Kolkata – from Rs 10 to Rs 100 – bechare Bongs!
If from other parts of the country, you can survive. But if you are from North – esp Delhi & Punjab – God save you! In Delhi, you are used to eating good food with variety.
In Mumbai, you will get good food which will basically include Vada Pav & Pav Bhaji in different varieties. And never – I mean NEVER – order a typical North Indian thali at any restaurant unless it is run by a Punju.
If you are thinking that going to BandStand (pronounced as ‘Banstand’ in Mumbai) will introduce you to a world of celebrities and that Katrina will be jogging beside you, you are grossly mistaken. Celebrity watching in Mumbai (Despite Bollywood) is not different from that in Delhi.
You just roam around at typical hotspots like Bandstand, Juhu, studios like Filmistan and wish that you spot one by chance. One word of caution for Salman fans. If you do spot him, stay away from his car.
Enjoy the trip!