We may hate Monday but there’s no escaping it.
Since most of our time is spent at offices only, it’s important to recognize the most common types of ASSHOLISH coworkers in Indian setups.
Types of Co-workers at Indian Offices
Here is the kind of co-workers you will find in offices in India.
The Lazy Leech
Someone who fends off others’ work. They may / may not be stupid but are DAMN lazy and always look towards others for bailing them out.
If you ever have this person in your team, NEVER even try getting them to do some work because they won’t.
Save your energy and just hatch some Goddamn plan to get these people kicked out of your team at least, if not the office.
The Aggressive Team Talk Initiator … or TATTI
TATTI is hell annoying in the way that his / her favorite word is ‘team’.
TATTI always has one solution for every issue facing the company (even CEO’s constipation) and that is TEAMWORK – Form a team, brainstorm, and eventually, take credit for everything positive.
TATTI will never give a solution by themselves but will always want to form a team. Avoid TATTI at all costs otherwise, this one will make your ass and brain bleed.
Self-explanatory. He talks and behaves like he is having a constant boner and is capable of thinking only from down there. Prized ability? To convert ANY talk into a perv-talk. Sample this:
Assistant Chick: Sir, should I order tea?
PERV: Yea, I like it with … milk… if you know what I mean.
Assistant Chick: Chutiya sala.
Someone who is a total moron and exists in the company only because of contacts with someone high above.
This person has an IQ less than that of a mentally-challenged ant and can’t do shit.
Their only purpose is to ruin others’ works and projects because of incredible stupidity. God help you if you ever find them in your team.
A person who always looks forward to avoiding any semblance of responsibility whatsoever.
They will never shy away from loading their juniors with work but will never be there when needed the most.
If there is a hint of confrontation, they are the first ones to scuttle away and rise only because of their remarkable ability to lick superiors’ asses shiny clean.
The War Monger
Opposite of the Ostrich, they are the chief warlords. They are constantly disgruntled and will argue no matter what. If you choose Ronaldo, they’ll side with Messi and vice versa.
They often roam around with their cronies who somehow think that the “angry young attitude” is “cool” and are the ones who always get fucked first when the company decides to downsize.
Gossip And Needless Dialogue Upstarter … or, GANDU
One of your colleagues in HR comes up to you and tells you that you need not worry as the company has an anti-discrimination policy against gays and that you won’t be fired.
Instead of feeling reassured, you will be batshit shocked to learn that everyone believes you are gay.
Yep, the GANDU strikes again! This person knows everything happening around in the office.
Worse, they make up shit against people and before you know it, you are the one who is fucking the new intern without even knowing it.