Bad Boys from Boston

“They were like a gang of kids with their own planes, Porsches, millions of dollars, limitless resources. Mick Jagger and Jimmy Page had control, but these boys did not care. They won the prize, hands down, for the rowdiest rock ‘n’ roll band in that era. No question”.
– Bebe Buell.

Here at CG we stand for our principles. We believe in the power of the people, the people who we call ‘Our Readers’. Every writer here is taught from his first day on, that our readers are the ultimate force of the universe and are nothing short of saints.

We believe that our esteemed readers are:

The whipped cream of the society

Opinionated
Intelligent
Classy
Sophisticated
Witty
Super rich

Do not indulge in futile activities.

And some balls would I have on me if ever I were to believe otherwise. So just like all other minions here at CG, I too, firmly believe in the social status of our readers and their intellectual prowess. This is the sole reason why I know that you sire, are a mindless little cunt who doesn’t know shit and is not acquainted with the legend that is Aerosmith.

To redeem me (I am going to die soon) let me tell you the tale of Aerosmith and make your worthless life a little worthwhile.

Four scores and seven(five) years ago, the year was 1970, on a dark cold stormy winter night, in Boston, Massachusetts, five young lads formed an alliance, an alliance the world today knows as a rock band.

Little did the lads know then, that was signing a deal with the devil, that their destinies were long written, that they had been handpicked by the Devil himself to do his dirty work and sodomize the ears and brains of young kids and grown men around the world with his music and chants.

One of the lads was soon replaced by another devil and the alliance, which was about to be named The Hookers, was ultimately named Aerosmith.

Now, you dare not mistake Aerosmith for just another off the mill rock band who wore leather on stage and satin underwear underneath (they might be into it, I don’t know for sure), they were the real deal.

Soon, the Aerosmith boys started playing at local joints back in the day and were scouted by a record producer and thus they signed a deal with the devil’s advocate. Their eponymous debut album came out in 1973 and had the masses swooning from excessive headbanging.

The followers of Aerosmith came to be known as ‘The Blue Army’ and the ‘Bad Boys from Boston’ discovered their powers to mesmerize and intoxicate masses and be the Pied Pipers of Rock and Roll. They now knew what they had been sent down for, and they got right down to do it in excess.

They became the best-selling American rock band of all time, selling over 150 million records worldwide, with 25 gold albums, 18 platinum albums, and 12 multi-platinum albums. To date, they hold the record for the most multi-platinum albums by an American group.

Their music was a matter of widespread concern across the leaders of all religions and lands. Hundreds of cases of failed exorcism were reported to try and free the young kids of the devil’s music, such was the power of Aerosmith. Parents across the globe feared that their kids might get infected, schools were shut down, red alerts declared, curfews imposed, vaccinations developed.

However, nothing seemed to stop what had befallen the earth. Eventually, people gave in, let their guards down, and discovered the enchanting beauty and the raw power of rock.

To describe, their music was barbaric, raw, powerful, romantic, enchanting, sexy, erotic, lustful and what not. Their sound reeked of pure awesomeness and so much swagger that I can’t even compare it to anything. They played the perfect hard rock blended with the right amount of blues. It had a little something for everyone.

With the orgasmic licks of the great Joe Perry, Brad Whitford on rhythm, Tom Hamilton on bass, Joey Kramer on drums and the inhuman screams, shrieks, squeals, howls and everything in the vocal range of Steven Tyler, Aerosmith stood the hostile tests of time and proved time and again why people called them “America’s Greatest Rock and Roll Band” (and they still are).

No you ignorant bastard, all was not always well, the dominoes didn’t just fall into place, all the fame and success didn’t just drop from the skies, the lads saw their share of hardships back in the day. Like many of their 1970s contemporaries, the members of Aerosmith were prone to excess and debauchery.

From drug abuse ( I mean serious abuse) to Steven’s vocal cords getting damaged, departure of Joe Perry from the band to talks of Steven being fired and the subsequent search for a new vocalist and then even more drug abuse.

However, no matter how hard the times, Aerosmith always came right back up and hit it hard really, really hard, to the point that their prodigious comeback was written down as the most remarkable and spectacular in rock ‘n’ roll history.

The young kids who saw Aerosmith growing up went on to form great rock bands of their times. The great Eddie Van Halen once told Joe Perry that his band Van Halen “started out on the suburban L.A. club circuit, playing Aerosmith songs”. Slash stated Aerosmith as his favorite band growing up.

Aerosmith’s influence was evident on the next generation of hard rock and heavy metal bands, namely Mötley Crüe, Ratt, Guns N’ Roses, Tesla, L.A. Guns, Cinderella, Faster Pussycat, Skid Row, Extreme, Warrant, the Black Crowes and the Quireboys, as well as Metallica.

The world used to swear by the chemistry between the frontman Steven and the lead guitarist Joe who came to be known as the “Toxic Twins” because of their notorious abuse of drugs on and off the stage. This was inspiring to many bands, especially Guns N’ Roses.

Sadly, all the bands that ever tried to follow in the footsteps of Aerosmith, fell down, face first. Nonetheless, Aerosmith still rocks harder than any and one thing’s for sure, there will never be a second Aerosmith ever.

Now go check them out and let me die in peace.

Back In The Saddle