Barack Obama is a member of the lizard species. Michelle Obama (the coolest FLOTUS ever) is actually a man. The Moon is fake. I could go on listing them, the Internet is chocked full of them. These are conspiracy theories. Some are plain stupid, some uber outrageous, and some just let-me-roll-around-with-laughter-for-a-moment hilarious.
Conspiracy Theories That Will Change The Way You Look At The World
At every nook and corner, you will find a Tom, Dick, or Harry touting them at pitch volume. We are going to laugh together at three such theories. These are bizarre, have a twist, let’s talk before we are all neutralized by the Men in Black. *cough cough*
This one is for all those #NastyWomen out there. Remember Cosmopolitan? Yep, the go-to magazine of each and every young adult girl, for advice. The one that gave us the list of Top 10 abso-f*cking-lutely everything on this planet.
The one that is forever finding us ways to get The One and I am not talking about Neo here (tho, I wouldn’t mind me some of that). The holy Mecca of relationship advice. You get what I am talking about.
Conspiracy: Cosmo offers bad dating advice.
Twist: They want to keep us SINGLE!
Why, oh lord why: So that we keep buying the magazine, DUH!
Think about it ladies, why would Cosmo give us good advice? Not so that we buy it for wedding planning advice or to find 10 rules of meeting the mother-in-law or where to shop for a baby or heaven forbid to get career advice from it.
This one is for social media addicts, therefore essential for all of us. You know those tiny hashtags on Insta like #wcw and #ootd? Do my women crush Wednesday? Beyoncé. Queen Bey can do no wrong peeps.
She kept on performing with an effing bleeding ear! My outfit of the day? Sweat pants and giant a$$ raggedy T-shirt. Don’t judge until you have faced the trials and tribulations of PMS. So why are we talking about hashtags?
Conspiracy: NSA created the trend of #ThrowbackThursday.
Twist: To get all our old photos online.
Why, oh lord why: so that they can improve their facial recognition program and various simulation algorithms.
Hot Damn! Yes oh Overlords, the terrorists are hankering for selfies just like all the others out there. They too will embarrass themselves with photos of blunt-cut hair and ruffled up sleeves so that you can gather all those photos just for NSA’s use.
Though a skeptic, I sort of agree with this theory. Why? As per statistics, the #TT garnered more than 200 million photos in 2014 alone and the NSA did start acquiring photos to build a gigantic face database. Then why not use Instagram too?
No introductions for this one. I don’t want to ruin the impact.
Conspiracy: Julian Assange has been poisoned.
Twist: By a vegan sandwich that Pamela Anderson (#BaywatchFlashback) brought him.
Why, oh lord why: Pamela is a secret agent of Hillary Clinton’s campaign, which we all know has come under the microscope due to WikiLeaks.
The story goes like this Pamela was photographed entering the Ecuadorian Embassy, in London, where Assange has taken asylum.
She was carrying a paper bag from Pret A Manger, soon after WikiLeaks tweeted three really strange tweets. Then Pamela was heard commenting on Assange’s health and torturous vegan food.
Put all this together and you have a plot to a dastardly scheme. The tweets were deemed as “deadman’s switch” by all the experts that abound on Twitter i.e. codes that are automatically sent out upon the death of Assange.
Now that you had a looksy look inside that convoluted rabbit hole, you can decide for yourself if it was an assassination attempt or just an innocent lunch.