According to our sources, UPA-II is coming up with a new brilliant scheme. On the insistence of Shri Digvijay Singh jee, UPA-II has decided to launch a new pilot project to identify the root cause of all problems in this country- Communalism.
It has now been established that communal elements are causing havoc to the country’s economy, security, agriculture, and electricity production.
Under this project, all the people who don’t want Kapil Sibal to read their mails and browse their internet history need to fill up a form and send it to the Government of India.
We give you a sneak-peak of the form.
The Certificate of Secularism
PLEASE FILL THIS FORM TO APPLY TO GET YOUR ’CERTIFICATE OF SECULARISM’
Name: _______________(Please remember: If your name has the following variables ‘Narendra’, ‘Modi’, ‘Subramaniam’ or ‘Swamy’, this form will self-destruct in 5 seconds)
Sex: ________(M/F/ Undefined / Still exploring myself)
Regionality: _______________(If you are a Gujarati, get additional attestation from any local Congress leader.)
Religion: ____________(If you are a Hindu, please don’t write ‘Hinduism’. The form will be automatically rejected. Just write ‘I am a secular person, not a Hindu’)
Favorite color: __________(Writing ‘Green’ fast-forwards your application. ‘Saffron’ is not allowed)
Favorite Indian state: ________________(Writing ‘Gujarat’ can give you a negative certification. Proceed with caution.)
Favorite political party: _______________(Options: Congress, JD (U), SP, BSP & ‘Others’. ‘Others’ DO NOT include BJP)
Favorite politician: ________________(Preference will be given to people who have the ‘Madamjee’, the ‘Prince’ and Nitish Kumar as favorites. Remember, CBI sleuths can be all over your ass in no time. In the extreme case, if you write Digvijaya Singh, the Govt will bear full costs towards your mental treatment)
Why do you think Hinduism is such an intolerant and bad religion? ______________________(No word limit)
What do you think about Barkha Dutt & Sagarika Ghosh? ______________(Options: ‘Annoying but secular’ / ‘Retards & pseudo-secular’ . In case you pick the latter, this form will bitch-slap your communal ass)
Tell us about yourself in not more than 4 words: _______________(Hint: ‘I dislike Narendra Modi’, ‘I love Rahul Gandhi’)
Some additional instructions:
- This form should only be filled in Green ink.
- Forms sent from any Gujarat based post office / Pincode might not be accepted.
- Forms from Bihar are being accepted now as it is ‘secular’ now.
- A cover letter describing how Rahul baba’s dimples make you go weak on your knees is also required.