What Do You Do? Oh, I Am A Professional Sleeper

Long, long ago the movie Rudaali made an impact on me and not for the obvious reasons. It introduced to me the professions that make you go “Hell No, that can’t be an actual job!“. People who cried and howled for money – ‘rudaalis’, that’s how the movie got its name. Why does such a job exist? Because the ‘high-born’ were not allowed to show any emotion, so another person would cry for them. If someone else crying could purge MY emotions, I would pay them heftily to do it every time I re-read ‘Snape is dead’.

• Professional Mourner

It is an actual job, even in the day of the Millennials. Imagine my shock when I stumbled across the site Rent-A-Mourner. What does the site do? Exactly what the name purports. You can hire individuals who will create the appropriate mournful mood. The ancient practice was not just limited to Rajasthan. Africa, China and Middle East also had their own versions of ‘rudaalis’. Considering we are not that happy with DIY, even today, raking in professionals is still in style.

• Car Plate Blockers

Remember that time when Kejriwal made himself ‘oh, so famous’ with odd-even? People made a career out of that too. No, not in sadda dilli but rather in Iran. The authorities in Tehran had the same brilliant idea of allowing even number plates on certain days and odd on the others. The ‘jugaad’ the denizens found was to pay the greenback boogie to people who will walk behind the car. Why? To hide the plates! There is just no topping the scrappiness of human brain. It will find a way to make money out of virtually anything. Brilliant! I say.

• Snapchat Master

First there were social media influencers, now there are masters. Yes, that is a thing too. There are even classes for it. So, the other day Internet proved to be truly a never ceasing wonder. “I am a Snapchat storyteller” that is the day job of Austin Iuliano. True Story. *glasses clinking*. No jokes amigos. He says if there is a black belt for Karate then why not for Snapchat? What does his job entail? He creates stories on Snapchat for brands. How awesome is this :)

• Orgasm Engineer

Decode – sex toy tester. Cosmetics get tested. Nokia literally threw their phone on walls to check them, then why not quality check our Battery Operated Boyfriends? Individuals seeking this *cough*…uhmm… ‘position’ generally have to *cough* *cough* work from home. The job is simple, yet ‘stimulating” (pun intended), test out the gadget in as many ways as possible and give a review!

• Professional Sleeper

Don’t want to spend your nights tossing and turning on the bed you are thinking of buying? Just can’t decide if it is comfortable enough? Hire a professional sleeper and he/she will test it out for you. I can hear you thinking – where can I sign up for this job? The career is not all about soft as down mattress, Pjs and some Zs. It may also involve people watching you while you are asleep (creepy!). Why, you ask? Cause sometimes the job takes us to weird situations. The sleeper can be hired to be a “living art” displayed in a museum or to participate in a university experiment related to dreams.

There is no dearth of strange jobs in the world (Amusingly). You could become a Professional Mattress Jumper or a Shark Tank Cleaner or hell even the person lugging around a box giving electric shocks to people stumbling out of bars. So, next time someone asks you what you want to be, don’t say a doctor. For god knows you could be Princess Consuela Bananahammock!

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